Seedy K’s Pigskin Prattle: Week I Felony Theft
· Yahoo Sports
Kyle Whittingham, you know the truth.
You know time had run out, and that you’d been beaten by a four TD underdog intrastate directional in your Michigan debut.
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You know the 00:00 wasn’t a lie.
You know it.
I know it.
Announcer Ian Eagle knows it.
NBC rules guru Terry McAuley knows it.
The feckless Big Ten replay crew who somehow manufactured an extra tick of the clock knows it.
The Big Ten office that issued a late night no-we-don’t-apologize defense of the theft knows it.
The guy slicing pastrami at Zingerman’s knows it.
Serial Go Blue rules abuser Connor Stalions, a Western Michigan grad, knows it.
Perhaps the great great grandkids of Benny Oosterbaan don’t, but the ghost of Bo knows.
Even Andre Ware, who continues to get most everything wrong in his new time slot, knows it.
Truth: Western Michigan got fucked.
The Broncos beat the mighty mighty Michigan Wolverines fair and square in the Big House, 12-7.
The day after we should be talking about the Broncos’ substitute Lou Groza-bodied FG kicker Dieter Kelly, a TP guy from JC College of San Mateo, and his four FGS. But we aren’t.
What a shanda.*
*Yiddish for a disgrace, something scandalously shameful.
* * * * *
The battle between DIIs Colorado School of Mines and Washburn in Topeka ended in a 16-16 tie.
Because the heat index read 108 degrees. Sanity prevailed. They called it a draw.
Contrarily, at some point during the telecast of IU’s beatdown of North Texas in Bloomington, Fox TV put up a graphic that the field Fahrenheit was 152 degrees.
That had to be incorrect.
I’ve been on an artificial field on a 90+ day, and it’s really really really, borderline unbearably hot.
But 1-5-2? I don’t think so.
Watched most of that one — not every snap — and there was no retraction. That I saw anyway.
* * * * *
Lane Kiffin, who obviously has a pretty good team with just his non-NFL pros, blinked. Not on roster.
Still, up 31-3 at intermission, he had to get in a dig. The guy loves to be loathed.
To Holly Rowe, “Imagine if we had pros.”
* * * * *
Speaking of orienting into the darkness.
For motivation, the Southern California team holds up big novelty juice boxes.
Leaning into the hallowed tradition of a former RB star, are ya?
O.J. Simpson. The Juice.
* * * * *
A couple of things I’ve loved about Week I so far:
Petros Papadakis doing color for Toledo/ Michigan State.
The return of the Geico Hump Day commercial. Both the classic. And a new one with Mike Tirico promoting Wednesday night’s NFL opener.
That camel makes me laugh every time. Just like hearing Southern Culture on the Skids “Camel Walk.”*
*”Baby, would you eat that-there snack cracker/ In your special outfit for me, please?”
* * * * *
Was that Charlie Strong doing color on the UK game?
* * * * *
Greg Schiano was the big mover on the Dead Man Walking list.
All the way to the top when his Rutgers Scarlet Knights lost the formerly worst team in FBS, UMass.
0-16 last season, 27-134 since they moved to DI in 2012, the Minutemen battered the State U of Jersey, 37-21. It wasn’t really that close. The victors were up 30-7 midway through the 4th.
Buh-bye-bye, Greg-O.
* * * * *
What still annoys me:
Joe Tessitore.
He’s so eternally over-hyped, the describes a 2d down play, a minute in to the Auburn/ Baylor opening game like a spot in the CFP depends on it.
* * * * *
Beat Ole Miss.
— c d kaplan