This Common Dating Habit Can Quickly Cross Into Stalking
· Vice
When it comes to online dating, many people feel uncomfortable meeting up with a complete stranger for drinks or dinner. To get a better understanding of who, exactly, they’re agreeing to a date with, some people conduct a “Google test,” which basically involves Googling someone before getting to know them in person.
While the Google test isn’t inherently negative—in fact, it can be positive when done for safety—it certainly can be taken a bit too far, perhaps even bordering on stalking.
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But according to a dating expert, there’s a way to strike a healthy balance between ensuring your safety and overindulging in your curiosity. Let’s break it down.
What Is the ‘Google Test’?
According to Valerie Kowalski, LMSW, Associate Therapist at Gateway to Solutions, “The ‘Google test’ in dating is searching the name of the person we are dating, searching their content, finding pictures of them, and assessing their online profiles and presence.”
“The search can give context about the person you are about to meet or date, based on how they portray themselves online,” she adds.
In other words, it’s like conducting a virtual background check on the person—which, in this dating scene, seems pretty fair.
“We Google-test because we are curious; we want to understand the person we are investing our time and emotions in,” Kowalski says. “There is a large safety component, such as checking sex offender registries and checking to make sure there are no red flags that the other has posted or if the image they are using seems to be legitimate, and this isn’t a situation where they are hiding their identity and using AI or other people’s photos as their own.”
When the Google Test Goes Too Far
Of course, some people take the Google test a bit too far, seeking unnecessary information. Even if it’s coming from an innocent place, this digital prying can become intrusive, especially if we’re spending more time stalking their social media pages than we are actually talking to/getting to know them.
“This can become too much information if you know much more about them than may be necessary,” says Kowalski. “Part of dating is getting to know someone through conversation; if you know a complete rundown of their family, their employment history, or have seen all the posts they have made, that can be too much information.”
As a writer, I often ran into this issue while dating. Being on the receiving end of the Google test, I realized that some men—many of whom I never even matched with!—found my social media pages, purchased and read my books, and kept up with my writing career, all without ever even meeting me. They would reveal this information to me as though I should be flattered, but I felt more exposed and creeped out than anything. These experiences made me question the personal details I share online, even when it comes to my career.
Thankfully, there is a middle ground here. I think it’s entirely fair to Google someone just to confirm that they’re a real person without a clean record.
“Some couples, when getting to know one another and dating, will even mention, ‘I saw you on Instagram’ or ‘I looked you up’ to confirm you are who you are, as a way to normalize this searching and assure they feel comfortable dating this person,” says Kowalski.
Just maybe don’t scroll back to their high school graduation photos or college sports stats. Let them tell you about themselves without you having to play detective.
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