Govinda Reveals He Was 'Kind Of' Suicidal After Mother Nirmala Devi's Death: 'I Was In Tremendous Pain, Felt Everything Was Over'

· Free Press Journal

Actor Govinda has opened up about one of the most painful phases of his life, recalling how the death of his mother, Nirmala Devi, left him overwhelmed with grief. He revealed that he once walked into the Narmada River after her death, believing that he would somehow meet her again.

Nirmala Devi, a renowned Hindustani classical vocalist and actress, died on June 15, 1996, at the age of 69. Govinda has now spoken about the profound impact her death had on him and admitted that he was “kind of” suicidal during that period.

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Speaking to ANI, the actor recalled the extent of his emotional turmoil. “I was in a lot of pain. I was in tremendous pain. At that point, I felt that everything was over; that was it.”

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Remembering the incident at the Narmada River, Govinda said, “So, I was at the Narmada River. I thought I would go a little farther into the river and that I would meet my mother again. So, I went into the river.”

When asked if he was feeling suicidal at the time, Govinda said, “Kind of. I was deeply attached to my mother. I was too much in love with her.” However, he explained that he did not see his actions as an attempt to end his life. “That’s what the world calls it. People use suicide-type of words. We don’t really have anything like that. Life never ends. It takes on new faces; it takes on new forms,” he said.

Govinda also recalled how a priest, whom he remembers as Ram Kundal, intervened and helped him leave the river. “He called out to me and came towards me. I came out of the river and he asked, ‘What happened, Govinda?’ I realised someone said to me at that time that I was doing something wrong. And I learned a lesson. I realised that I have to live for my children.”

Govinda said it took him more than 15 days to overcome that state of mind and find a renewed purpose. The experience also changed how he viewed his career and stardom.

“Films are just like toys for me. I shouldn’t say this. I am saying it out of fear of God. Forgive me if I shouldn’t be saying this, and if I am offending anyone. But I believe that films, acting, stardom, heroism, all of it, is a manifestation of God. Whatever we have received, we have received from God, and we are simply acting in it. We have seen all of this, and we were able to experience it,” he said.

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For Govinda, his biggest accomplishment ultimately lies beyond his film career. “The real achievement for me was that I could serve my family and my mother. I could fulfil all the wishes she had imagined for me, what she had thought her son Govinda would achieve when he turned 21. That was her dream. And I was able to fulfil it. I saw true heroism in that part of my life. That is a very different way of looking at things.”

Meanwhile, Govinda is currently promoting his upcoming film Roopa, which stars newcomer Komal Rani Swarnkar.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, seek help here: | Mental Health Helplines

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